(SPOILER WARNING, OBVIOUSLY)
I don't watch that many films compared to certain people I know (until last week I hadn't seen Titanic) and so it's not very often that I watch more than one on the same day. The exception was one day when, on a bus travelling through France, I saw no fewer than 5 movies, which can be summed up in two words; The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (inadequate adaptation), Fantastic Four (utter tosh), Wedding Crashers (seen before), Old School (fitfully amusing), and The Village (fucking Shyamalan). Seriously, if you have to do a 30-hour bus ride, make sure you bring enough reading material. But there is a difference between being subjected to multiple films in a day and going out of your way to do so, and it just so happened that two flicks I was very excited about have popped up at the same time. And I'm very lazy and didn't fancy walking to town and back twice when once would do, so here come a pair of reviews, each of films I saw today. Enjoy.
Monsters University: I can take or leave Disney films as a whole (usually the latter), but I bow to nobody in my adoration of whatever Pixar has to offer. After all, they made my favourite movie of all time, the by turns heartbreaking and exhilarating Up. The pioneering CGI studio has, as of late, been putting their energies into new instalments of previously existing franchises, which is a double-edged sword. While Toy Story 3 made my shrivelled heart dance with joy, did we really need a Cars 2? Hell, did we really need a\Cars 1? So when I read that Monsters University was on the way, I thought that while I loved Monsters, Inc. and certainly wouldn't mind seeing more from such an engaging cast of characters, I didn't think a prequel was strictly necessary. And it isn't. But is it good? Absolutely.
The first thing to say is that it's a Pixar film, and so of course there's a huge array of striking visual details; God only knows how much time went into designing all the different monsters that populate the strikingly verdant and picturesque campus (York University it ain't). And the full effect of this colourful panoply of sights only becomes truly apparent in the scenes where the characters visit the human world. The original Monsters film was subversive in that it had the monsters appear just like regular guys, and the cute human child appear as something scary to them. The human world in the prequel is genuinely scary to both characters and audience, and the animators do a great job of making it seem foreboding. The darkness and dinginess of the settings in those scenes really contrast effectively with the general good-time aura and brightness of the realm of the monsters. In a film that is fairly whimsical, it's nice that the Pixar team had the visual flair to really bring home what's at stake for the characters.
I'm referring in the above paragraph to one of the climactic scenes, and the film, up until then, is primarily concerned with an age-old frat-movie trope. Namely, the protagonists screw up, and their continued presence at university depends on their victory in a competition, a la Revenge of the Nerds or Up the Creek. Said competition involved scaring, so it tied into the movie, but the structure did seem fairly inorganic; there were a number of challenges, each with their own rules, and each had to be surmounted for Mike and Sully to survive (well, avoid expulsion). This made the plot seem more on-rails than most of Pixar's output. Call it Triwizard Tournament Syndrome. Speaking of something like Revenge of the Nerds, Monsters University made use of all the usual archetypes of the frat-movie genre; jocks, nerds, peppy cheerleaders, goths, and even a 'crusty old Dean' (copyright Homer J. Simpson). This isn't to say that it didn't do it well, but again, it made the film feel fairly safe. There weren't a huge amount of surprises plot-wise.
But really, it's hard to find something to criticise about Monsters University. I've already mentioned the visuals, but many other departments shone for me. The voice acting was predictably great (although I can't listen to John Goodman's Sully without thinking of Walter Sobchak from The Big Lebowski), and it was laugh-out-loud funny on many occasions, my particular favourite gag being a slug who's late for class and desperately trying to get there as fast as he can, only he's...well, a slug. As A Bug's Life proved, slugs are a rich vein of comedy gold. Mike is the main character as opposed to Sully, and he makes an excellent underdog hero. And I doubt that many children seeing this movie will have been to university (or at least have watched Animal House), but as a student - albeit a British one - I appreciated all the higher education jokes. I don't think Monsters University is the equal of Monsters, Inc., but it's certainly a very worthy addition to the series, and best of all, didn't ride on the coattails of the much-beloved last film. Previous antagonist Randall Boggs was present, but in a minor role, as was gravel-voices secretary Roz, but the fanservice was used sparingly, unlike some sequels I could mention (Star Trek: Into Darkness, how ya doing?), and didn't detract from the expertly-rendered and equally memorable cast of new monsters, especially salesman-turned-mature student Don. In terms of Pixar's canon, Monsters University doesn't crack the Top 5 as far as I'm concerned (and even Top 10 is pushing it), but that really is more a reflection on the exceedingly high quality of Pixar's output than it is on Monsters University. If you see it, you'll have a great time, and come out smiling. And really, what more could you ask for? Rating: ***3/4
The World's End: And now for another instalment in a popular series of films. It really must be summer. This is the third celluloid collaboration between director Edgar Wright and actors Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, after the modern classics Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. Like the previous two films, it's what I'd call an 'action comedy', and synthesizes the main concerns of the other parts of the trilogy. Namely; impending apocalypse, sleepy towns hiding dark secrets, and, of course, pubs. Five old schoolfriends seek to recreate a pub crawl (aborted before its conclusion) from their halcyon days. Four of them (Nick Frost, Paddy Considine, Eddie Marsan and Martin Freeman) are successful professionals, and the fifth (Simon Pegg) is a loser alcoholic whose life hasn't moved on since that night. They find that the people of their old hometown have been replaced by semi-robotic doubles by a higher alien intelligence in the name of, to quote the villains of Hot Fuzz, 'the greater good'.
Sometimes it's hard to explain just why a movie resonates. Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz were successful in large part because they were pastiches of easily recognisable genres. The World's End works mostly because of a successfully constructed sense of the unheimlich throughout. Like Shaun of the Dead, it's actually, despite ostensibly being a comedy, as tense and scary as a lot of straight-up horror films. The action scenes are, in my opinion, even stronger than the verbal exchanges, especially the first fight sequence in which our heroes take on five chavs-cum-replicants in the men's toilets, and which owed more to WWE than anything. Simon Pegg giving a robot the freakin' Rock Bottom through a ceramic sink will live in my head forever (as a wrestling fan, I also counted La Mistica, the Chokeslam, the Shining Wizard, many Axe Bomber Lariats and an Argentina Backbreaker transitioned into an Inverted Gutbuster. I should probably get out more.)
Unlike Hot Fuzz, which (not altogether seamlessly) transitioned from a comedy into a long, climactic shoot-em-up which owed more to its homages to classic action films than the previous verbal cleverness, The World's End gets the preamble out of the way relatively early on, with the aforementioned Rumble in the Restroom. From then on, it's not just a comedy with five men trading barbs and malapropisms in a succession of identikit bars, funny though that is. It's an action film with giant robots and simulants and kung fu and IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLL and diving through windows and exploding heads, and in the middle of all this, five men trade barbs and malapropisms. The characters, while admittedly more human than their adversaries, just don't act the way that normal people would in this situation. Their rationale for attempting to complete their pub crawl even in the face of incredible danger isn't really explained very well. But then, this pig-headed attempt to pretend everything's normal is a consistent source of comedy, especially Pegg's character's increasingly desperate attempts to see off his drink even in the middle of a ruckus, although there's a twinge of pathos with the added dimension of his character being an alcoholic who can't let go of his memories of the good old days. This gives the film an emotional import which could otherwise have been lost amongst all the sci-fi action, supernatural intrigue and comedic dialogue.
Speaking of the dialogue, I found it to be very different to Hot Fuzz, which was a picture in which a good proportion of the lines in the second half of the film were callbacks to lines from the first half. I personally love comedy which is based on callbacks; after all, my favourite sitcom of all time is Arrested Development, which once had an episode that referenced a minor gag from TEN episodes previously. But I feel such an approach may have hamstrung The World's End, particularly considering the often irrational actions and unnaturally mundane-comedic dialogue that the characters engage in, even as the world collapses around them. There's a fine line between writing foolish characters, and making them so incredibly buffoonish and mannered that the audience can't identify or empathise with their plight. I felt that The World's End stayed just the right side of that.
The ending came a little bit out of left field. Basically what happens is that the aliens give up on trying to improve humanity, but in wrenching their support from the planet create a pulse that renders useless all technology on Earth, sending humanity into a new Dark Age. The main problem was that it introduced all sorts of elements into the film that could have done with some elaboration; the formation of post-apocalyptic 'tribes', prejudice against the surviving replicants, and so on. Those ideas were so intriguing that you could even construct a sequel out of them, although Pegg, Wright and Frost on no account should. But this was, on the whole, a unique sci-fi action comedy, which didn't encumber itself by trying to ape Shaun of the Dead or Hot Fuzz, and instead carved its own identity. It married effective comedic scenes to visually striking action sequences in a seamless way, and marks a fitting conclusion to the Cornetto trilogy. Thumbs way up. Rating: ****1/4
Monday 22 July 2013
Tuesday 16 July 2013
Wrestling Review: WWE Money In The Bank 2013
Okay, it's that time of the year again. Back in the day, Money in the Bank used to take place at Wrestlemania. A large number of men would enter the squared circle and attempt to climb a ladder to retrieve a briefcase, which could be used at any time in the ensuing 12 months to activate a match for the WWE or World Heavyweight Championships. Then, because WWE likes treating dead horses like Shaniqua treated the Basham Brothers (obscure early 2000s wrestling reference count: 1), we got a whole PPV devoted to the concept, and now there are two matches, one for each major title. Last month I railed against the Hell In A Cell event, because I feel that the most barbaric match should be reserved for the most heated feuds, not just shoehorned into a storyline because the theme of the show demands it. However, where MITB is concerned, I am entirely down with a show centred around the gimmick, because the nature of a multi-man ladder match is to be eye-catching, high-flying and spectacular, not to plumb depths of brutality. Like the Royal Rumble, I'm fine with having it as an annual event, and also like the Royal Rumble, the multi-man ladder match is very hard to screw up. So I expected WWE to build upon the very strong Payback show with a similarly good outing.
Pre-Show: The Shield (Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns) (c) vs. The Usos (Jimmy Uso and Jey Uso) (WWE Tag Team Championship)
I actually watched the pre-show this month, because The Shield are a great tag team, and I've had a soft spot for The Usos ever since I saw them in a thoroughly entertaining 6-man tag match at a live event in Newcastle. Plus, they're Rikishi's kids (and probably weigh nearly as much as him between them). Nevertheless, I wasn't exactly expecting a great deal from this, because pre-show matches are generally given about five minutes, and you can't do a great deal in that time (please search Youtube for Masakatsu Funaki vs. Jun Akiyama as an honourable exception. No, it's not that Funaki). And in all honestly this started off a little sloppily, and there were a few miscommunications involving Irish Whips of various stripes. Things started to pick up when Jimmy (or Jey) got clotheslined by Reigns when he was standing on the apron, did his dad's old spinning bump, and landed RIGHT ON HIS GODDAMNED HEAD. Clearly that shook out a few cobwebs, because the rest of the match was stellar, with The Usos actually matching the much-vaunted teamwork of their opponents throughout (I especially enjoyed the bit where they used the tactic of pulling the non-legal man off the apron after Rollins had done the same a few minutes earlier). One of the Usos hit a picture-perfect dive to the outside at one point, and there was a good ol' 'Tower of Doom' spot (the suplex/German suplex/powerbomb combo involving all four men) which left everybody on the floor, and the Philadelphia crowd chanting 'THIS IS AWESOME', and how often do you get that chant before the main show's even started? The match did a great job of making the relatively unheralded challengers look like they could really pull off a victory, before Rollins managed to powerbomb Jey (or Jimmy) into the turnbuckle, before Reigns flattened him with a spear and got the win. Fast-paced opener that got the crowd going, so no complaints at all. Nice work. Rating: ***1/2
Match 1: Cody Rhodes vs. Damien Sandow vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Fandango (w/ Summer Rae) vs. Wade Barrett vs. Antonio Cesaro (w/ Zeb Colter) vs. Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter) (Money in the Bank Match for a World Heavyweight Championship Contract)
If you read my last wrestling blog - http://stonecoldjaneausten1.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/wrestling-review-wwe-payback-2013.html - you'll know that I'm a big advocate of storytelling through actions during a match. However, you can't assess a MITB match in the same way that you would a singles match. If the latter is a short story, the former is a short story collection; it doesn't have a great deal of unity of action or drama, but the variety makes up for it. So basically, I feel that the mark of a good MITB match is 'How much cool shit happened?' And boy, did this match provide cool shit.
Before the match, Tea Partier and fishing jacket aficionado Zeb Colter came out with Cesaro and Swagger to bang on about illegal immigration. Cesaro's presence in this stable confuses me, as if you're trying to get Colter over as a heel, surely you wouldn't make him sound more reasonable by having him back up his main bugbear (welcoming legal immigrants while reserving his vitriol for illegal immigrants) by welcoming a Swiss man into his fold? Maybe you could argue that it makes him look a hypocrite, but clearly many Americans agree with him, as was evidenced by many in the crowd joining in with Colter's cri de coeur of 'WE THE PEOPLE'. Note to WWE; if this guy's a heel (and that's clearly his alignment), try and work on making him more of a complete loon. Study Michele Bachmann for ideas. Then Sandow and Rhodes came out, and Sandow wouldn't let Rhodes do any of the talking as he ripped on the crowd for being his intellectual inferiors. FORESHADOWING!
The presence of two tag teams helped this match. Usually MITB is every man for himself, so it was refreshing to see spots such as Jack Swagger hoisting Antonio Cesaro up on his shoulders so he could grab the briefcase without any need for a ladder. What a gent. Cody Rhodes put paid to that by doing one of many springboard kicks, all of which were awesome in some way. So you had one newly-formed team (Swagger and Cesaro) working together, and one established team (Rhodes and Sandow) teasing dissent. Nicely done.
The odd thing about the match was that everybody in it was a heel, but as I've said, story isn't too important in these matches (though the whole situation with the tag teams was an added bonus to the match's general awesomeness), and the face/heel dynamic is secondary to the aforementioned cool shit. So the crowd basically ended up cheering for who they wanted, which turned out to be Fandango (whose ballroom jiving to start the match was swiftly ended by Wade Barrett's fists, which made me laugh), and Rhodes, who put in a hell of a performance; towards the end of the match he started dropping everyone with his finisher, and the already hot crowd went wild. You could tell they'd found their favourite, and it happened organically, which was nice to see. Sadly, Cody didn't emerge triumphant.
But before I discuss the ending, the cool shit! Where to begin? As well as Cody's high-flying stuff, Fandango busted out some seriously impressive moves, including a springboard leg drop, and at one point he ran up the ladder and wrecked Barrett with a sunset flip powerbomb, which looked awesome. The ever-unpredictable Dean Ambrose got creative with the ladder, placing his head between the slats and spinning around like a top, until Cesaro and Swagger got a hold of each end, whereupon Ambrose hoisted himself up and started surfing on the ladder, until Colter's duo spoiled his fun by simply chucking him and the ladder to the outside. Ladder-assisted finishers abounded, the pick of the bunch being Rhodes appropriating Samoa Joe's Muscle Buster manoeuvre on Cesaro (and thereby removing himself from the Samoan Submission Machine's Christmas card list).
Then the ending. Ambrose's allies Rollins and Reigns rushed in and started laying everybody else out, until The Usos ran in to stop this foul play taking place. A massive brawl on the outside ensued, and as Ambrose tried to claim the briefcase, a by-now bloody Rhodes shoved him down and into the melee, taking everybody out in an echo of John Cena's dive onto the entire WWE roster at Payback. Rhodes was all alone in the ring, and began to climb, until self-proclaimed 'smartest guy in the room' Damien Sandow lived up to his name by taking out his tag partner, winning the briefcase for himself, and departing with a delightfully smug grin on his face. Awesome flippy stuff, a nice bit of bonus story development, and a memorable finish; everything you could want from a MITB match. Simply superb. Rating: ****1/2
After the match, newly-minted Raw General Manager Brad Maddox came down and tried (and failed) to ingratiate himself with the crowd, then introduced a mocking montage of his predecessor Vickie Guerrero's career 'highlights'. Probably would have been better on free TV rather than taking up time here, but the video made me chuckle.
Match 2: Curtis Axel (c) (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. The Miz (WWE Intercontinental Championship)
Things had to cool off sooner or later, and here we got an OK match with some puzzling booking. This shouldn't be news to any wrestling fan, but Philadelphia LOVES Paul Heyman, who headed up the influential ECW promotion, which was based at a local bingo hall. Philadelphia wants to cheer Paul Heyman, and wants to see Paul Heyman. So if you're trying to get the crowd to cheer The Miz (who is the face in this feud), probably don't have Miz trick the referee into thinking Heyman had punched him, thus getting Heyman sent to the back. That went down with the fans like the Lusitania. This is a problem with The Miz; he's still the same douchebag that he was when he was a heel, and as such, no matter how he wrestles, the crowd's going to struggle to get behind the guy.
Such was the case here; Miz actually did a good job of looking like a badass in a short segment outside the ring, but the crowd seemed in Curtis Axel's corner, especially when he pulled out his late father's finishing move again. Again, if you're trying to get someone across as a heel, maybe don't have him do a move that the crowd loves so much. Although he is doing it as a homage to his dad, so I can't criticize him too much on that front. This was a competent match which Axel won with some sort of twisting inverted neckbreaker-type thing (he seems to change finisher every week), after a sequence of Figure-4 Leg Lock reversals. Not bad, but nothing to write home to Parts Unknown about. Rating: **
Match 3: AJ Lee (c) (w/ Big E. Langston) vs. Kaitlyn (w/ Layla) (WWE Divas Championship)
Fine little match, though not a patch on their encounter at Payback, which really got across AJ's manipulation of her former best friend, and Kaitlyn's determination to make her pay. This was more a bunch of moves in a sequence; well-performed moves, but lacking the encoded meaning that made their first match so good. At the start of the bout AJ played the time-honoured role of the physically outmatched but conniving heel champion, and despite taking some punishment in the early going, began to target Kaitlyn's arm, which had its consequence later in the match, when Kaitlyn speared AJ, but was too hurt to pin her, which led to AJ recovering and locking in the octopus stretch for the submission victory. Fairly good match, although AJ's selling was inconsistent, most noticeably when she recovered, I felt, far too quickly from the spear (as I've mentioned before, Kaitlyn's spear is fantastic and AJ takes the hit like it could take out Giant Haystacks given half the chance). Minor quibbles aside, another perfectly serviceable outing from the pair, and hopefully the feud will continue. Rating: **1/4
Match 4: Chris Jericho vs. Ryback
I'm fairly certain I'm in the minority here, but I quite like what they're doing with Ryback's character, making him the big, tough-looking guy who can't handle it when the going gets tough (as we saw on Raw a few weeks ago when he quit on his stool against the fucking Miz of all people). Obviously, it doesn't make him seem like a monster heel, but then we have Mark Henry for that. Maybe they're trying to stop the 'GOLDBERG' chants aimed at the man Y2J called 'Mr. Back'; after all, Goldberg was more about wrecking people's shit than crying off sick. Although the Philadelphia crowd saw to it that this plan did not succeed.
Ryback seemed out to prove that the 'Cryback' nickname was unjustified, and this match had a nice dynamic of the young, raw powerhouse against the wily veteran. Jericho seemed on his game (and why wouldn't he be, after than great match with CM Punk at Payback?), and I do love watching Ryback's extensive arsenal of power moves; in this respect the Goldberg comparisons are unfair, as Ryback's clearly a much better wrestler. Although said power moves did present a problem with the match.
I'll go on record as saying I didn't mind the finish; Ryback winning with a roll-up (albeit one without much leverage, although he is a big guy and so hard to throw off willy-nilly) fits his current character of a powerful man content with the cheap win, the easy way out. But Jericho took an unholy amount of punishment in this match; should he be kicking out of a powerbomb, especially the way Ryback performs the move? Ryback's powerbomb looks like it would break a dude in half, but he never wins matches with it. This is a quibble I had with the match; Ryback is all about the power moves, but about half a dozen of them would make believable finishers. It didn't help that he was spamming his brutal-looking lariat like Kenta Kobashi/Toshiaki Kawada/Satoshi Kojima/Stan Hansen/Hirooki Goto/Insert Japan-Based Heavyweight Here.
However, the action was crisp, and the match flowed well; it just wasn't too spectacular. Passable by anyone's standards, but maybe go easy on the devastating throws next time, Mr. Back. Rating: **1/2
Match 5: Alberto del Rio (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler (World Heavyweight Championship)
There was a sign in the crowd saying, 'DOLPHIN URANUS'. Sign of the year, every year. Now THAT'S how you get filth past the radar of the security guards.
This was great stuff. Similar to the AJ/Kaitlyn match, it lacked the storytelling of their encounter at Payback, but the action was superbly executed (their first match was marred by a few botches) and wrestled at a hell of a tempo. These guys have wrestled each other enough now that they know each other's style very well, and can put on an excellent match at the drop of a hat. Del Rio, considering that in Mexico he wrestled under a mask, has great facial expressions, and really came across as a massive dickhead, which is really his natural role. I'm sure he's a nice guy in real life, but some people are just better at wrestling heel. See also; H, Triple. The crowd was really into Ziggler, so I don't think WWE has anything to worry about regarding the guy's face turn, that was so beautifully set in motion at Payback. Both guys made each other look good, and showed that they're both among the best athletes that WWE has to offer.
After about 12 minutes, Dolph's beau AJ came out, theme music and all. I could see what was going to happen; Dolph gets distracted (because in wrestling, good guys all have ADHD. And so do the refs.), and del Rio does a Ryback and rolls him up for the win. Thankfully, this didn't happen, and the match continued, but Ziggler was clearly thrown off his game. Eventually, del Rio took off his knee brace and started targeting Ziggler's head a la last month, causing AJ to panic and twat the Mexican aristocrat with her Divas title, thus getting her boyfriend disqualified. So it seems that they're sowing the seeds for AJ and Dolph to break up, but I'm not sure how much of a fan of DQ finishes in pay-per-view title fights I am, especially when the match is as long and as good as this was. But if they're foreshadowing a rematch, and a new kink in the saga of AJ's love life, I can't have too many gripes. Rating: ***1/2
Match 6: John Cena (c) vs. Mark Henry (WWE Championship)
Maybe it's because I wasn't watching wrestling between 2006 and 2011, and so have not been jaded by endless title matches in which John Cena overcomes seemingly impossible odds, often against someone much taller/fatter/taller and fatter than him, but I enjoyed this. The build-up to this match was simply awesome. Basically, Mark Henry spent a week on twitter hinting at his retirement. He came out on Raw, following a John Cena promo, wearing a simply fabulous salmon-coloured jacket, with a smile on his face (in contrast to his usual serious, thuggish heel persona). He talked about his regret at never having been WWE Champion, but reflected upon his long career in a very moving way, told his family that they'd be seeing a lot more of him in the future, as he was hanging up his boots. He even cried a few tears, and joked with the audience about the lowlights of his WWE tenure (google 'Mae Young' and then try and scrub the images from your mind's eye). Finally, he hugged John Cena, then PICKED HIM UP AND GAVE HIM THE WORLD'S STRONGEST SLAM. He pretended to retire, gave a retirement speech about ten minutes long that had the crowd chanting 'THANK YOU MARK', all so he could send a message to John Cena. Mark Henry is the greatest actor on the planet. Seriously, it was a genuinely incredible performance and you should check it out.
The build-up was also marked by John Cena showing fear of his opponent, whereas usually he laughs off any and all threats, no matter how dire. This is probably because Mark Henry is built like a brick shithouse and in the ring is a profoundly terrifying man. So there was a real sense that Henry could win the title, and the match told a simple and oft-iterated story (Cena struggling to lift the big man for his finisher), but told it effectively. Mark Henry is the world's greatest in-match trash talker, and his slow, meticulous offence fit the match well. After a few attempts at lifting Henry up for the Attitude Adjustment, Cena finally hit the move, only for Henry to kick out. Soon after, Henry hit his own finisher but Cena escaped at the count of 2. Henry got frustrated and started to cheat, exposing the turnbuckle pads, and kicking John Cena in his johnson behind the referee's back. John Cena is the last son of Krypton, so none of this took him down, and eventually he locked in the STF, and Henry tapped out.
This was a prime example of a John Cena title defence, but not a bad match for all that; Cena did a good job of conveying just how much trouble he was having even performing his usual signature moves on the big lug. And Mark Henry does the big-man style better than anyone. Having said that, Cena STILL cannot do the STF properly, which is unfortunate as it's his bloody finisher. John, I know you're reading this; look up Masahiro Chono. And while you're at it, look up his bombastically awesome neoclassical metal entrance music. It sounds like it was written by Yngwie Malmsteen, and probably was. Japanese entrance themes nearly all do, come to think of it. But I digress. Rating: ***1/4
Main Event: CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Christian vs. Sheamus vs. Randy Orton vs. Rob Van Dam (Money in the Back All-Stars Match for a WWE Championship Contract)
Good choice for the main event, as this is the most stacked MITB match of all time in terms of star power. This match was also meant to involve Kane, but he was attacked by The Wyatt Family, the troupe of incredibly creepy backwoodsmen who recently arrived in WWE. My girlfriend already despises them, as she's a massive Kane fan, and was very disappointed that he wasn't in this match. So I guess the Wyatts are doing their job as heels.
This match wasn't as wild as the first one of the night, but still very solid indeed. It also marked the return of Rob Van Dam, who was my favourite wrestler in the world in 2002 and 2003, especially when he was in an odd-couple tag team with Kane (though let's be honest, who hasn't been in an odd-couple tag team with Kane?) He's getting on in years, but this match was a great way to ease him back into WWE, and to showcase his unique offense to new fans. He brought out all his signature manoeuvres, including, inevitably a Five-Star Frog Splash off the top of a ladder (he pretty much just fell on top of Christian, but in fairness it would have been difficult, and probably dangerous, to give it the full welly from that height. It was still awesome, sue me). It was exciting to see his interactions with old foes like Orton and Christian, and the new breed of Punk, Bryan and Sheamus, and to imagine future matches he could be involved in. Because he was synonymous with Heyman's ECW, the Philly crowd went wild for him, and you could tell how much it meant to him.
This ladder match, like the previous one, had a plethora of painful-looking moves onto ladders, and some funny moments, like when RVD attempted to do his signature pose at the start of the match, and the other five competitors rushed him. Sheamus was impressive, putting his power and surprising agility to good use. But despite the big Irish fella's moxie, and RVD's triumphant return, Daniel Bryan was the star performer, as he so often is. There is nobody in the world better at clearing house and kicking ass at a huge rate of knots, and when he took out everybody else in the match, including knocking Sheamus off the top rope with a ladder, crashing through another ladder, the crowd went ballistic, and even forgot their previous adulation for Van Dam. When you're drawing bigger cheers than RVD in Philly, you're doing something right.
At that point, the match pretty much fell off a cliff. As I've said, I love when storylines are integrated into the action, but not so much when this synthesis isn't fully actualised, a criticism that can be levelled in part at the del Rio/Ziggler match from earlier. This match was an example, as Curtis Axel inexplicably came down to pull Daniel Bryan off the ladder and deny him his victory, leading to fellow Paul Heyman client CM Punk giving him a GTS for his trouble. This led to Heyman (to a rapturous reception) coming out to remonstrate with Axel for getting involved, but then revealing that to be a charade, as he hit Punk with the ladder three times, turning his back on his seemingly best friend in the world.
I appreciated the drama, and Punk's look of wounded anguish before Heyman hit him for the final time came across brilliantly. But this did have the effect of grinding the match to a complete halt in favour of the more soap-opera-like aspect of wrestling, and this particular kind of drama didn't sit well with the fast-paced, high-flying nature of the match. Thankfully, the bout finished strongly, as RVD attempted to climb the ladder, but Orton pulled him off and hit him with the RKO, all in one fluid movement. I don't have a huge amount of time for Randy Orton as a wrestler, but that was absolutely gorgeous. After a fairly protracted climb (I preferred the swifter briefcase retrieval of Sandow), Orton emerged victorious.
Not as good as the WHC MITB match, but still a great display from everybody involved; the only fault was the Heyman/Axel/Punk drama fitting awkwardly within the scheme of things. But great stuff, and a fitting end to another strong show from WWE. Rating: ***3/4
Pre-Show: The Shield (Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns) (c) vs. The Usos (Jimmy Uso and Jey Uso) (WWE Tag Team Championship)
I actually watched the pre-show this month, because The Shield are a great tag team, and I've had a soft spot for The Usos ever since I saw them in a thoroughly entertaining 6-man tag match at a live event in Newcastle. Plus, they're Rikishi's kids (and probably weigh nearly as much as him between them). Nevertheless, I wasn't exactly expecting a great deal from this, because pre-show matches are generally given about five minutes, and you can't do a great deal in that time (please search Youtube for Masakatsu Funaki vs. Jun Akiyama as an honourable exception. No, it's not that Funaki). And in all honestly this started off a little sloppily, and there were a few miscommunications involving Irish Whips of various stripes. Things started to pick up when Jimmy (or Jey) got clotheslined by Reigns when he was standing on the apron, did his dad's old spinning bump, and landed RIGHT ON HIS GODDAMNED HEAD. Clearly that shook out a few cobwebs, because the rest of the match was stellar, with The Usos actually matching the much-vaunted teamwork of their opponents throughout (I especially enjoyed the bit where they used the tactic of pulling the non-legal man off the apron after Rollins had done the same a few minutes earlier). One of the Usos hit a picture-perfect dive to the outside at one point, and there was a good ol' 'Tower of Doom' spot (the suplex/German suplex/powerbomb combo involving all four men) which left everybody on the floor, and the Philadelphia crowd chanting 'THIS IS AWESOME', and how often do you get that chant before the main show's even started? The match did a great job of making the relatively unheralded challengers look like they could really pull off a victory, before Rollins managed to powerbomb Jey (or Jimmy) into the turnbuckle, before Reigns flattened him with a spear and got the win. Fast-paced opener that got the crowd going, so no complaints at all. Nice work. Rating: ***1/2
Match 1: Cody Rhodes vs. Damien Sandow vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Fandango (w/ Summer Rae) vs. Wade Barrett vs. Antonio Cesaro (w/ Zeb Colter) vs. Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Colter) (Money in the Bank Match for a World Heavyweight Championship Contract)
If you read my last wrestling blog - http://stonecoldjaneausten1.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/wrestling-review-wwe-payback-2013.html - you'll know that I'm a big advocate of storytelling through actions during a match. However, you can't assess a MITB match in the same way that you would a singles match. If the latter is a short story, the former is a short story collection; it doesn't have a great deal of unity of action or drama, but the variety makes up for it. So basically, I feel that the mark of a good MITB match is 'How much cool shit happened?' And boy, did this match provide cool shit.
Before the match, Tea Partier and fishing jacket aficionado Zeb Colter came out with Cesaro and Swagger to bang on about illegal immigration. Cesaro's presence in this stable confuses me, as if you're trying to get Colter over as a heel, surely you wouldn't make him sound more reasonable by having him back up his main bugbear (welcoming legal immigrants while reserving his vitriol for illegal immigrants) by welcoming a Swiss man into his fold? Maybe you could argue that it makes him look a hypocrite, but clearly many Americans agree with him, as was evidenced by many in the crowd joining in with Colter's cri de coeur of 'WE THE PEOPLE'. Note to WWE; if this guy's a heel (and that's clearly his alignment), try and work on making him more of a complete loon. Study Michele Bachmann for ideas. Then Sandow and Rhodes came out, and Sandow wouldn't let Rhodes do any of the talking as he ripped on the crowd for being his intellectual inferiors. FORESHADOWING!
The presence of two tag teams helped this match. Usually MITB is every man for himself, so it was refreshing to see spots such as Jack Swagger hoisting Antonio Cesaro up on his shoulders so he could grab the briefcase without any need for a ladder. What a gent. Cody Rhodes put paid to that by doing one of many springboard kicks, all of which were awesome in some way. So you had one newly-formed team (Swagger and Cesaro) working together, and one established team (Rhodes and Sandow) teasing dissent. Nicely done.
The odd thing about the match was that everybody in it was a heel, but as I've said, story isn't too important in these matches (though the whole situation with the tag teams was an added bonus to the match's general awesomeness), and the face/heel dynamic is secondary to the aforementioned cool shit. So the crowd basically ended up cheering for who they wanted, which turned out to be Fandango (whose ballroom jiving to start the match was swiftly ended by Wade Barrett's fists, which made me laugh), and Rhodes, who put in a hell of a performance; towards the end of the match he started dropping everyone with his finisher, and the already hot crowd went wild. You could tell they'd found their favourite, and it happened organically, which was nice to see. Sadly, Cody didn't emerge triumphant.
But before I discuss the ending, the cool shit! Where to begin? As well as Cody's high-flying stuff, Fandango busted out some seriously impressive moves, including a springboard leg drop, and at one point he ran up the ladder and wrecked Barrett with a sunset flip powerbomb, which looked awesome. The ever-unpredictable Dean Ambrose got creative with the ladder, placing his head between the slats and spinning around like a top, until Cesaro and Swagger got a hold of each end, whereupon Ambrose hoisted himself up and started surfing on the ladder, until Colter's duo spoiled his fun by simply chucking him and the ladder to the outside. Ladder-assisted finishers abounded, the pick of the bunch being Rhodes appropriating Samoa Joe's Muscle Buster manoeuvre on Cesaro (and thereby removing himself from the Samoan Submission Machine's Christmas card list).
Then the ending. Ambrose's allies Rollins and Reigns rushed in and started laying everybody else out, until The Usos ran in to stop this foul play taking place. A massive brawl on the outside ensued, and as Ambrose tried to claim the briefcase, a by-now bloody Rhodes shoved him down and into the melee, taking everybody out in an echo of John Cena's dive onto the entire WWE roster at Payback. Rhodes was all alone in the ring, and began to climb, until self-proclaimed 'smartest guy in the room' Damien Sandow lived up to his name by taking out his tag partner, winning the briefcase for himself, and departing with a delightfully smug grin on his face. Awesome flippy stuff, a nice bit of bonus story development, and a memorable finish; everything you could want from a MITB match. Simply superb. Rating: ****1/2
After the match, newly-minted Raw General Manager Brad Maddox came down and tried (and failed) to ingratiate himself with the crowd, then introduced a mocking montage of his predecessor Vickie Guerrero's career 'highlights'. Probably would have been better on free TV rather than taking up time here, but the video made me chuckle.
Match 2: Curtis Axel (c) (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. The Miz (WWE Intercontinental Championship)
Things had to cool off sooner or later, and here we got an OK match with some puzzling booking. This shouldn't be news to any wrestling fan, but Philadelphia LOVES Paul Heyman, who headed up the influential ECW promotion, which was based at a local bingo hall. Philadelphia wants to cheer Paul Heyman, and wants to see Paul Heyman. So if you're trying to get the crowd to cheer The Miz (who is the face in this feud), probably don't have Miz trick the referee into thinking Heyman had punched him, thus getting Heyman sent to the back. That went down with the fans like the Lusitania. This is a problem with The Miz; he's still the same douchebag that he was when he was a heel, and as such, no matter how he wrestles, the crowd's going to struggle to get behind the guy.
Such was the case here; Miz actually did a good job of looking like a badass in a short segment outside the ring, but the crowd seemed in Curtis Axel's corner, especially when he pulled out his late father's finishing move again. Again, if you're trying to get someone across as a heel, maybe don't have him do a move that the crowd loves so much. Although he is doing it as a homage to his dad, so I can't criticize him too much on that front. This was a competent match which Axel won with some sort of twisting inverted neckbreaker-type thing (he seems to change finisher every week), after a sequence of Figure-4 Leg Lock reversals. Not bad, but nothing to write home to Parts Unknown about. Rating: **
Match 3: AJ Lee (c) (w/ Big E. Langston) vs. Kaitlyn (w/ Layla) (WWE Divas Championship)
Fine little match, though not a patch on their encounter at Payback, which really got across AJ's manipulation of her former best friend, and Kaitlyn's determination to make her pay. This was more a bunch of moves in a sequence; well-performed moves, but lacking the encoded meaning that made their first match so good. At the start of the bout AJ played the time-honoured role of the physically outmatched but conniving heel champion, and despite taking some punishment in the early going, began to target Kaitlyn's arm, which had its consequence later in the match, when Kaitlyn speared AJ, but was too hurt to pin her, which led to AJ recovering and locking in the octopus stretch for the submission victory. Fairly good match, although AJ's selling was inconsistent, most noticeably when she recovered, I felt, far too quickly from the spear (as I've mentioned before, Kaitlyn's spear is fantastic and AJ takes the hit like it could take out Giant Haystacks given half the chance). Minor quibbles aside, another perfectly serviceable outing from the pair, and hopefully the feud will continue. Rating: **1/4
Match 4: Chris Jericho vs. Ryback
I'm fairly certain I'm in the minority here, but I quite like what they're doing with Ryback's character, making him the big, tough-looking guy who can't handle it when the going gets tough (as we saw on Raw a few weeks ago when he quit on his stool against the fucking Miz of all people). Obviously, it doesn't make him seem like a monster heel, but then we have Mark Henry for that. Maybe they're trying to stop the 'GOLDBERG' chants aimed at the man Y2J called 'Mr. Back'; after all, Goldberg was more about wrecking people's shit than crying off sick. Although the Philadelphia crowd saw to it that this plan did not succeed.
Ryback seemed out to prove that the 'Cryback' nickname was unjustified, and this match had a nice dynamic of the young, raw powerhouse against the wily veteran. Jericho seemed on his game (and why wouldn't he be, after than great match with CM Punk at Payback?), and I do love watching Ryback's extensive arsenal of power moves; in this respect the Goldberg comparisons are unfair, as Ryback's clearly a much better wrestler. Although said power moves did present a problem with the match.
I'll go on record as saying I didn't mind the finish; Ryback winning with a roll-up (albeit one without much leverage, although he is a big guy and so hard to throw off willy-nilly) fits his current character of a powerful man content with the cheap win, the easy way out. But Jericho took an unholy amount of punishment in this match; should he be kicking out of a powerbomb, especially the way Ryback performs the move? Ryback's powerbomb looks like it would break a dude in half, but he never wins matches with it. This is a quibble I had with the match; Ryback is all about the power moves, but about half a dozen of them would make believable finishers. It didn't help that he was spamming his brutal-looking lariat like Kenta Kobashi/Toshiaki Kawada/Satoshi Kojima/Stan Hansen/Hirooki Goto/Insert Japan-Based Heavyweight Here.
However, the action was crisp, and the match flowed well; it just wasn't too spectacular. Passable by anyone's standards, but maybe go easy on the devastating throws next time, Mr. Back. Rating: **1/2
Match 5: Alberto del Rio (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler (World Heavyweight Championship)
There was a sign in the crowd saying, 'DOLPHIN URANUS'. Sign of the year, every year. Now THAT'S how you get filth past the radar of the security guards.
This was great stuff. Similar to the AJ/Kaitlyn match, it lacked the storytelling of their encounter at Payback, but the action was superbly executed (their first match was marred by a few botches) and wrestled at a hell of a tempo. These guys have wrestled each other enough now that they know each other's style very well, and can put on an excellent match at the drop of a hat. Del Rio, considering that in Mexico he wrestled under a mask, has great facial expressions, and really came across as a massive dickhead, which is really his natural role. I'm sure he's a nice guy in real life, but some people are just better at wrestling heel. See also; H, Triple. The crowd was really into Ziggler, so I don't think WWE has anything to worry about regarding the guy's face turn, that was so beautifully set in motion at Payback. Both guys made each other look good, and showed that they're both among the best athletes that WWE has to offer.
After about 12 minutes, Dolph's beau AJ came out, theme music and all. I could see what was going to happen; Dolph gets distracted (because in wrestling, good guys all have ADHD. And so do the refs.), and del Rio does a Ryback and rolls him up for the win. Thankfully, this didn't happen, and the match continued, but Ziggler was clearly thrown off his game. Eventually, del Rio took off his knee brace and started targeting Ziggler's head a la last month, causing AJ to panic and twat the Mexican aristocrat with her Divas title, thus getting her boyfriend disqualified. So it seems that they're sowing the seeds for AJ and Dolph to break up, but I'm not sure how much of a fan of DQ finishes in pay-per-view title fights I am, especially when the match is as long and as good as this was. But if they're foreshadowing a rematch, and a new kink in the saga of AJ's love life, I can't have too many gripes. Rating: ***1/2
Match 6: John Cena (c) vs. Mark Henry (WWE Championship)
Maybe it's because I wasn't watching wrestling between 2006 and 2011, and so have not been jaded by endless title matches in which John Cena overcomes seemingly impossible odds, often against someone much taller/fatter/taller and fatter than him, but I enjoyed this. The build-up to this match was simply awesome. Basically, Mark Henry spent a week on twitter hinting at his retirement. He came out on Raw, following a John Cena promo, wearing a simply fabulous salmon-coloured jacket, with a smile on his face (in contrast to his usual serious, thuggish heel persona). He talked about his regret at never having been WWE Champion, but reflected upon his long career in a very moving way, told his family that they'd be seeing a lot more of him in the future, as he was hanging up his boots. He even cried a few tears, and joked with the audience about the lowlights of his WWE tenure (google 'Mae Young' and then try and scrub the images from your mind's eye). Finally, he hugged John Cena, then PICKED HIM UP AND GAVE HIM THE WORLD'S STRONGEST SLAM. He pretended to retire, gave a retirement speech about ten minutes long that had the crowd chanting 'THANK YOU MARK', all so he could send a message to John Cena. Mark Henry is the greatest actor on the planet. Seriously, it was a genuinely incredible performance and you should check it out.
The build-up was also marked by John Cena showing fear of his opponent, whereas usually he laughs off any and all threats, no matter how dire. This is probably because Mark Henry is built like a brick shithouse and in the ring is a profoundly terrifying man. So there was a real sense that Henry could win the title, and the match told a simple and oft-iterated story (Cena struggling to lift the big man for his finisher), but told it effectively. Mark Henry is the world's greatest in-match trash talker, and his slow, meticulous offence fit the match well. After a few attempts at lifting Henry up for the Attitude Adjustment, Cena finally hit the move, only for Henry to kick out. Soon after, Henry hit his own finisher but Cena escaped at the count of 2. Henry got frustrated and started to cheat, exposing the turnbuckle pads, and kicking John Cena in his johnson behind the referee's back. John Cena is the last son of Krypton, so none of this took him down, and eventually he locked in the STF, and Henry tapped out.
This was a prime example of a John Cena title defence, but not a bad match for all that; Cena did a good job of conveying just how much trouble he was having even performing his usual signature moves on the big lug. And Mark Henry does the big-man style better than anyone. Having said that, Cena STILL cannot do the STF properly, which is unfortunate as it's his bloody finisher. John, I know you're reading this; look up Masahiro Chono. And while you're at it, look up his bombastically awesome neoclassical metal entrance music. It sounds like it was written by Yngwie Malmsteen, and probably was. Japanese entrance themes nearly all do, come to think of it. But I digress. Rating: ***1/4
Main Event: CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Christian vs. Sheamus vs. Randy Orton vs. Rob Van Dam (Money in the Back All-Stars Match for a WWE Championship Contract)
Good choice for the main event, as this is the most stacked MITB match of all time in terms of star power. This match was also meant to involve Kane, but he was attacked by The Wyatt Family, the troupe of incredibly creepy backwoodsmen who recently arrived in WWE. My girlfriend already despises them, as she's a massive Kane fan, and was very disappointed that he wasn't in this match. So I guess the Wyatts are doing their job as heels.
This match wasn't as wild as the first one of the night, but still very solid indeed. It also marked the return of Rob Van Dam, who was my favourite wrestler in the world in 2002 and 2003, especially when he was in an odd-couple tag team with Kane (though let's be honest, who hasn't been in an odd-couple tag team with Kane?) He's getting on in years, but this match was a great way to ease him back into WWE, and to showcase his unique offense to new fans. He brought out all his signature manoeuvres, including, inevitably a Five-Star Frog Splash off the top of a ladder (he pretty much just fell on top of Christian, but in fairness it would have been difficult, and probably dangerous, to give it the full welly from that height. It was still awesome, sue me). It was exciting to see his interactions with old foes like Orton and Christian, and the new breed of Punk, Bryan and Sheamus, and to imagine future matches he could be involved in. Because he was synonymous with Heyman's ECW, the Philly crowd went wild for him, and you could tell how much it meant to him.
This ladder match, like the previous one, had a plethora of painful-looking moves onto ladders, and some funny moments, like when RVD attempted to do his signature pose at the start of the match, and the other five competitors rushed him. Sheamus was impressive, putting his power and surprising agility to good use. But despite the big Irish fella's moxie, and RVD's triumphant return, Daniel Bryan was the star performer, as he so often is. There is nobody in the world better at clearing house and kicking ass at a huge rate of knots, and when he took out everybody else in the match, including knocking Sheamus off the top rope with a ladder, crashing through another ladder, the crowd went ballistic, and even forgot their previous adulation for Van Dam. When you're drawing bigger cheers than RVD in Philly, you're doing something right.
At that point, the match pretty much fell off a cliff. As I've said, I love when storylines are integrated into the action, but not so much when this synthesis isn't fully actualised, a criticism that can be levelled in part at the del Rio/Ziggler match from earlier. This match was an example, as Curtis Axel inexplicably came down to pull Daniel Bryan off the ladder and deny him his victory, leading to fellow Paul Heyman client CM Punk giving him a GTS for his trouble. This led to Heyman (to a rapturous reception) coming out to remonstrate with Axel for getting involved, but then revealing that to be a charade, as he hit Punk with the ladder three times, turning his back on his seemingly best friend in the world.
I appreciated the drama, and Punk's look of wounded anguish before Heyman hit him for the final time came across brilliantly. But this did have the effect of grinding the match to a complete halt in favour of the more soap-opera-like aspect of wrestling, and this particular kind of drama didn't sit well with the fast-paced, high-flying nature of the match. Thankfully, the bout finished strongly, as RVD attempted to climb the ladder, but Orton pulled him off and hit him with the RKO, all in one fluid movement. I don't have a huge amount of time for Randy Orton as a wrestler, but that was absolutely gorgeous. After a fairly protracted climb (I preferred the swifter briefcase retrieval of Sandow), Orton emerged victorious.
Not as good as the WHC MITB match, but still a great display from everybody involved; the only fault was the Heyman/Axel/Punk drama fitting awkwardly within the scheme of things. But great stuff, and a fitting end to another strong show from WWE. Rating: ***3/4
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